moving on from blogger.

i made a tumblr.
and my twitter is now tweeting.

http://chelseanicolecameron.tumblr.com/
username for twitter: chelserzzzz
(that's 4 z's btw:)

God is good. He's always good ♥

The Sovereignty of God

This is faith: to surrender to a being I can't feel physically, to deny my strength and place all my trust in something I can't explain. To believe in a form that is formless but still fully formed. I could never quite apply God's sovereignty to my life. I didn't understand what His supremacy meant to me, and how it effected my relationship with Him. Now, instead of trying to grasp the idea of someone ruling over me, I am learning what it means to let God be in control over every part of my life. Control- the act of being in charge of the outcome or the result of a situation no matter the circumstances. To my pride's dismay, I am beyond incapable of this power. For the longest time, it was hard for me to define “sovereignty.” Application is one the keys to my ability to learn; by the lack of my realization of God's control in my life, I felt like I could not relate to His sovereignty. I have become more aware of my effort to be in control, and less aware of God's ability to hold everything together no matter my attempt to be supreme. I end up surrendering to Him almost every time, however it takes me falling into intense anxiety to get to that point. My mind shuts down, I become unbearably overwhelmed, and I ultimately give up and fall into depression. If I see a task too unbearable, I generally surrender every ounce of perseverance inside and I forget the sovereignty of God through my circumstance. Because of this, I miss out on the peace of God. This season, I would like to practice surrender in the area of control. I must trust that HE is in control whether or not I see it that way. Though I fail at every attempt to be dominant and in control, Yahweh is sovereign; He always will be.

♥

miracles.

God has so many wonderful attributes that AMAZE me. In almost every season of life, a different aspect of God's character stands out to me- and that quality completely captivates me. Constantly, it seems that circumstances around me reflect that attribute of God and blow my mind! I remember last year, i was fascinated by the love of God FOR ME for the longest time. I was so overwhelmed by how real His love is. Another time, i became excited over the idea that we are sons and daughters of God adopted into His family as poor and orphaned slaves. Time and time again, i find the characteristics of Abba so beautiful and absolutely overwhelming. His providence, His peace, His healing nature of spiritual brokenness, His joy, His PATIENCE (patience was a hard road...), etc.



Now my fascination is in miracles.

Today specifically, I woke up dreading my day. I felt like today was going to be terrible. I had want of things i didn't need, and worried about how i was going to get the things i did need. But God provided for me- little life "truffles" that don't seem to hold much significance, but carry sweet delight. He gave me things I didn't deserve, and spoke to me through the words of other people (and my own) and His own Word. Things seemed to work out perfectly today. Even when my heart was pounding hard, and my hands were shaking, my Abba showed how much He cared for me, his daughter. After each "truffle", i thought to myself: that was a miracle.



Maybe i am strung out on the idea of miracles because I am begging that my brother Silas is ultimately spared and brought completely back to health. Even so, believing in this miracle for him has shown me how God is working miracles every moment. Today is the fourth Tuesday that Silas has spent at the children's hospital in the ICU. Every day that he fights is a miracle. Every day of the last three weeks has been A MIRACLE. even when my mind is screaming for my heart to become hardened to believing, everything else inside me says "keep the faith."



when Silas was born, i knew that my heart was taking a risk in loving him with everything. Carter had DIED, and a piece of my heart was crushed. he was my family... a piece of my family that i loved so dearly. how could i knowingly allow my heart to be crushed again. but one look into Silas' beautiful blue marbled eyes had me risking everything. i am SO proud of him, i love him so much. I love chasing him around the house, and cuddling with him, and making him smile, and trying to get him to say my name, and teaching him how to make silly noises, and sneaking him "gok gok" (chocolate)... most of all, just holding him close to me. savoring his sweetness, desperately trying to hold onto every smell and every touch in fear that i could lose him. it wasn’t healthy, me living in fear. but i feel like that was the hardest part of my grief with Carter's death- fear. i couldn't remember his touch, his smell, his smile, his laugh, his cry...so i was terrified i wouldn’t remember Silas. but every moment i spent with Silas was a joy, and it made my heart so full. i felt so light and happy being around him. Lord, please, take away my fear of losing him, and let me believe FULLY in a miracle.



i will bless God no matter what happens. whether Silas fights through this, whether the Lord welcomes him in His arms, whether He allows Silas to stay here with life-long issues. God is good, and HE IS SOVEREIGN (side note: i think God's sovereignty might be my new God-attribute to focus on ♥), He is Holy, He is unchanging. He is the God who delivered Noah and his family from destruction, the God who delivered Joseph from the evil plan of his brothers into forgiveness and prosperity, the God who delivered Daniel from being devoured by lions, the God who held true to His covenant to Adam and Eve, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob and the rest of the house of Israel, the God who redeemed Moses from the reeds, and Israel from Egypt- to name just a few. His promises don't change. Because of His great love. I will believe, even when I am overwhelmed by the valleys... God CAN heal Silas, but He doesn’t have to. because of losing Carter i will not tell the world that i believe wholeheartedly that He will heal Si on this earth. but i DO believe He can and i will worship and praise Him whatever happens :)



AMEN

to know Him intimately

i havent forgotten about my blog, it's just my heart has been in such an interesting state that i havent been able to sort out my thoughts... if i can't figure it out in my head, how am i supposed to make it come together on a blog??

i really think it might be time to terminate this whole blog thing anyways... i think i personally am too self centered with it, and i dont want to be too personal on here.

i am in a season where i am learning to be with God and share with Him my thoughts and desires... i dont want to talk ABOUT Him the way i have and not talk WITH Him in the same manner. the Lord is one by one turning the hearts of His people back to Him... however, the enemy continues to throw darts through the doors we have open to evil, and is only more threatened as the Kingdom of God prevails. i want to be stronger, and i want to defend the name of Christ... but how is one to do this if they don't know who they are defending. This is the season i am in... to know Jesus intimately and fall more in love with Him. i will know Him in a powerful way for myself.