is it really ours?

the thing about holding onto what is "ours", is its really not ours to hold on to. thats why we are shocked when we lose what we thought was ours...

i think if we give to God what is already His, we might not go through the same kind of shock when what is ours is removed from our lives...

giving up authority over something we thought we always had rightful ownership over will probably be the hardest thing i will ever do.

i've gotten so mad at God for taking away what was mine and what He allowed me to grow close to... but it was His to handle all along... we're the ones acting unreasonable.

my dad taught me this in a way last year when we were dealing with the loss of Carter... he wrote this february 2008 in his own blog:

"It is right for me to be protective and to make attachments in love with them but I have to remember that they are not mine. They are, have always been, and shall remain God's property. In that, He may use them as He wishes, and direct them to wherever He wishes - to include calling them home."

knowing this i have two choices:

1. I can not allow myself to become close to anyone because i know that anything could happen... and i couldnt lose them in a literal heartbeat. This is especially hard since i become very attached to the people in my life...


2. I could just go with it and be cool with people and let myself make friends and be friends with them, even know though i know i could get hurt....

alright. this blog seems be totally edging towards ending negatively. and really... thats where i half expected it to end. but with God, it doesnt work that way.

right when i got to the point of like just completely ending this entry, i got a phone call from meredith and i shared what i was writing about... before we even made it halfway through the conversation we came to the conclusion that:

life is a risk.
it is better to have loved and learned than to never have loved at all... i have grown so much to the people i have become close to in my life. and even though i might have lost a couple of them i still do not regret those relationships.

right now there will be a period of mourning but joy will follow... its not providential to keep living a lifestyle of grief for it is easy to become trapped in the oppression and completely miss joy that could have come if only we sought it. i am NOT saying that is wrong to grieve... grieve all you want with your own time. but living with grief for someone is totally different than living a complete lifestyle of grief where there is no effort to move on and to once again experience the true joy that can be found in living life to its fullest. its definitely okay to cry and to feel hurt... but its also okay to feel happy again... your allowed to laugh. your allowed to talk about things other than the tragedy surrounding us right now. its okay. you do not have to give up your own life just because someone else ended their's.

-chelsea
1/11/09

For My HCHSers... In Memory of Adam Bierbauer ♥

i lost my brother August of 2007... while it wasnt under the same circumstances- loss equals loss. death equals death. Hampton Christian, we can make it through this. Do not EVER lose hope. Jesus Christ can break the same chains holding you down that held Adam back. In the name of Jesus, we (CHILDREN OF THE ALMIGHTY GOD) have the power to cast out demons! Even the little tiny ones that whisper LIES in our ears... the same lies that killed our brother. We are EVEN more than conquerors. We have been REDEEMED from the hand of the enemy. We have been DELIVERED from the powers of darkness. We are excersizing our AUTHORIY over SATAN. We are above only and NEVER beneath. We are bringing all evil thoughts into CAPTIVITY. Hampton Christian, we are STRONG IN THE LORD AND THE POWER OF HIS MIGHT!!! we have the power through Jesus Christ to BREAK and ANNIHILATE every sort of chain holding God's kids in bondage. Lets stop talking about making a change... Lets take some ACTION.


hopefully some of these verses will encourage you.... :)

Isaiah 43:2
"When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you."

1 Thessalonians 4:13-14
"And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died."

Matthew 5:4
"God blesses those who mourn,
for they will be comforted."


Isaiah 41:10
"Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand."

Psalm 119:50
"Your promise revives me;
it comforts me in all my troubles."

Isaiah 49:13
"Sing for joy, O heavens! Rejoice, O earth! Burst into song, O mountains! For the Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on them in their suffering."

Isaiah 61:1-3
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.
2 He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord’s favor has come,
and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies.
3 To all who mourn in Israel,
he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
festive praise instead of despair.
In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

Revelation 21:4
"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

1 John 4:4-19 is really good too :)
Psalm 139 has also always been an amazing comfort.

two good songs:
zero by hawk nelson
smiling down by pillar

*they may not be your type of songs- but they speak the same reality we are living right now.

i love you all. even the ones i have never told you so... i hold you all so close to my heart. i love you soooo much.... so much. EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU.