The Radiant Tapesty

Drawing near to God results in change inwardly and outwardly. Let us hold unswervingly with hope in the one who is faithful to His promises.


In His own beauty, Christ has transformed our brokenness into a piece of refined gold purified through blazing flames. And though He allows us to be placed inside of this fire temporarily, He assured us that we would be redeemed from the hand of the enemy and glorified through His faithfulness. God placed each person with their surrounding circumstances- hopeful AND despair- knowing the end product. This God and His Son most Holy of All even accompanied men of the Old Testament as they were placed in a physical furnace. How can we not believe that we are accompanied in this Spiritual furnace? How can we not believe that God is walking along side of us and holding us in His arms in this fiery furnace of life? He is a Father who knows what is best for His children, even if we cannot presently visualize His plan.

His will for us is like a tapestry... when examined up close, the colors all run together and seem blurry- full of confusion and disorientation. But when this seemingly hopeless tapestry is analyzed from a distance, the view of this image becomes wholesome and purposeful. The plan for each thread starts to make sense and the object in its entirety comes together with a purpose. The blur of the artwork comes together with clarity. The dark colors of anguish mix with the pale comatose colors of utter numbness. The bright colors are entwined amidst the hopeless ones. The rich colors enhance the beauty of the darkness and altogether, they become radiant with unity.

This is how the God of the universe sees our lives. He doesn't view it in divided sections... He sees the whole picture.

some scattered thoughts

desciption: numerous wandering stanzas... no particular flow or specific theme.

*********

its really dark in here
where is the light?
is it near?
its so out of sight...

the past can never sleep
though it buries itself deep
its like a dead heart still beating
giving the future a new meaning

i'm calling
please hear me
crying
please hold me
screaming
please love me

the night screams
there is no hope
but it just seems
so easy to not say no

but you whisper to me
that im in your hands
despite my screams
you've got a plan

silence my love
listen to me
i have a plan
just wait and see

just wait and see
what i have got for you
please just believe
i will get you through

*********

-----my God can move mountains-----

this night began with confusion... my worship consisted only of me crying out to God for some sort of "sign"... some sort of hope. but after i confessed what i knew of God and His MAJESTY.. everything came together. after i was prayed for, something started to change. but this time, its different. i know i say that every time.. but this time, i feel different in the way that i feel content with God in the way that He reveals Himself to me. so what if its not my way?

i learned so much earlier... and i cant even begin to put into words what meant the most to me. i appreciate the realness of those who sacrificed their time tonight to listen to me. i appreciate how God worked through them. i am starting to feel hopeful....

ok, tonight someone told me about something interesting. God in His Sovereignty and Hugeness was there even before the world was created, of course. With his existence were angels. Perfect holy angels created without a blemish in God's sight. However, the Bible tells us that 1/3 of the entire celestial kingdom denounced God in their pride. Even the angles fall down... God created me a human. Born into a sin nature- Prone to fall. If the most holy of all creatures make mistakes, then why do we beat ourselves up over the mistakes we made. I was created with God knowing that i was going to mess up. He knew that i was going to fail in my witness to His world, He knew that i was going to be ashamed of Him, He knew that i was going to curse the good things He established, He knew my thoughts, He knew of my mistrust and lack of faith in Him, He knew it all. He knows of the times we will FAIL. Yet, He still freakin allowed His Son to be SACRIFICED to save us... to rescue us. And he tells us that he wouldnt take it back... even if i were the only one to die for, Jesus would still take on the burden on the cross for ME. and He would do it again and again and again if He had to. He cares and loves me that much!!

so when are we going to shut up and listen to Him? stop crying out for help and love that He has already given us? when am i going to accept that he thinks i am perfection in the making? when will we allow Him to really come into our lives? we are constricting Him to our hearts... what about the rest of us? our minds and will? its like we have placed Him in a box and told Him that he is not permitted to leave. We dig him out when we need Him to help us out with something, but overall, God remains in that tiny box inside of our hearts trying to escape. You know whats cool? God is God. He doesnt run out of energy like we do... He is gonna keep trying to hop out of the constraints we have placed on Him. He is inside jumping like a mad man trying to get our attention. and He wont slow down till He's got us again.

oh wow... there are so many thoughts i still want to share. i dont know how to sort them all out though... theres just too much!! AGH!!


more for next time hopefully =]

-chelsea-





ps. God, You are seriously moving right now... I said this earlier tonight, but i want to re-emphasize it. If You were not planning something HUGE, there would not be this outrageously thick pull of darkness over the youth of today's society. The spirit of depression is pushing itself onto us and trying to grab hold of what "goodness" we have left in us- to throw it away. Whatever you have up Your sleeve, God, has to be pretty amazing.. because our enemy- satan, is so not happy with it. he is obviously attacking us... without Your flame there is no way we can stand against this. Your the energy we need to hold our ground and remain in our battle stance. I thank You for the way you worked in so many hearts tonight, and this whole week at school. Let's keep this heat blazing... the fire burning. NOTHING CAN QUENCH YOU... nothing can quench the flames of Your love. keep it going God... keep it going. If you can physically move mountains like You say You can, then i KNOW that you can move the mountains that we have in our lives. i know that you can move them. leave it to the God of the universe to pick up entire land structures and remove them from the ground to be placed elsewhere. leave it to You to work in things as drastic as Your creation. Psh, if You can move mountains, You are MIGHTY ENOUGH TO SAVE. You are rescuing us from drowning in the plague of demonic spirits trying to DESTROY us... You've caught us in Your gigantic hands... and now You are cuddling us close to Your heart in your loving arms... You are so amazing... so intensely amazing.

--rambling--

i think there is a humongous blog coming soon...
there has been an incredible amount of stress the past couple of weeks. you could say that its not been the best experience.

i havent been writing nearly as much as i used to. i havent written in my journal since september 29. which, for me, is a LONG time. it had been 2 weeks since i had written before that. and the same with the time before that. it really sucks... i still love writing. but it almost seems that i have lost the motivation.

i did realize that when i stopped writing, i started to feel more confused about how i felt. i cant sort out my thoughts and i feel so unsure about what i do know.

there is a lot going on in my life right now... and i feel so so hurt by everything thats going on. but in moments like this, and seasons of craziness, i really want to trust God. i really want to believe that i dont have it so bad, and that God, above all else, is STILL IN CONTROL.

its so hard to trust Him... after everything that has happened in these short [but really long] 16 years, i dont want to have anything to do with Him. but because of what i know, i want to still hold onto Him, just like He is holding onto me.

ughhh this is all so hard.
i still dont know what to do about some issues... and i am relentlessly seeking for clarity from God in His reasons for allowing this all to happen. i am so tired of trying to hard to make this work... i wish that God could just be here in the way that i feel like i need Him to.

i dont like the feelings i get when i am alone... i know i am not, because God is so omnipresent. but i still feel so empty.... and i hate that. i wish i could make everything better. but this is all so out of my control. i hate feeling out of control of anything.

im holding on to the few things that i know...at least i am trying to, anyways. i dont have much hope in those, either. so many doubts... so little clarity and faith.

i want to run from this all... i want to take a long break. i want to start over and pretend that i never was apart of the life that is tearing me apart... but i dont know that i could be that heartless. i wish i never knew this pain... or the things that caused it. i cant run, but i cant stay here. im stuck =/ just like always.

life always hands me exactly the opposite than what i hope for.
but i will get into that later on...


-chelsea