A Little Longer

WOW... today's been INSANE.
-sbx run before my classes from 9 AM to 6:30!
-lots of homework and a panera break in between.
-then my baby brother's birthday party.
-then a sbx run again (Iced Venti Black and White Marble Mocha- minus one shot, plus one pump).
-then LAUNDRY.
-then my kitty went missing and i was really scared....
-then I FOUND HER! then i cuddled with her and took care of her.
-and now i'm settling down.
-only to work DOUBLES tomorrow and thursday.

wowzers!! :O

geez, this week's been insane... i've been pushing myself too much... it's too hard.
work, school, friends and boyfriend if i have time, etc. it's insane.. im too tired.
i had a breakdown the other day. it just all finally overwhelmed me too much!
but then i remembered................................. God's peace cancels out anxiety. SO, i've been trying to put that truth into practice.

First off, i need to have some of that Mary-Diligence... like in the story of Mary and Martha. It's time to sit at His feet and just listen and learn and let those other things go for a minute. It's like that song by Brian and Jenn Johnson... It's called "A Little Longer." One part of the song is like God is speaking to us and He says "You don't have to do a thing. Just simply be with me and let those things go... They can wait another minute. Wait, this moment is too sweet, would you please stay here with Me? and love on me a little longer? I'd love to be with you a little longer... cause I'm in love with you..."

I think that's beautiful. So, that's my goal. To "let those things go"... and pray for supernatural energy to get those things done when it's time to. He gets my time first though. I just need prayer and motivation for that though... It's hard when I'm in the moment and have so much to do. But i love Him too much to not try.

♥

piece of heaven.

Part of me starts to hate death and what it did to my family, but i am in LOVE with a God who's ways and thoughts are HIGHER than my own. I will never understand His ways, but i am beyond thankful that i understand His love and mercy and ultimate provision over His children. Thank You for this blue clad, marble eyed little piece of Heaven... And thank You for his older brother you blessed us with♥

august 17.

it's been three years... todays the day.
i've made it through the whole day without thinking of it much.
i think it just hit me.
i watched some old videos and looked through some pictures of him a little bit ago.
im not in virginia with my family so it's been kind of weird... mom took hailey and silas to his grave earlier. seeing the pictures makes my stomach churn.
thank you, jesus for your grace and provision over my family and our hearts.
thank you for being near to me.
i miss my baby brother... i wish i could hold him sooo bad.
seeing the pictures of the kids at his grave breaks my heart... im reminded this is REAL. he really did live, and he really did die.
oh boy... it's still hard to wrap my mind around it.
how many stages of grief are there? and when will it really end?
and when will i let myself let go of the fear of death?
i had a dream last night that i was going to have a baby... but after the delivery they told me the baby had died. i guess i was waiting to find out if the child was a boy or girl, because in the dream i asked the nurse which one it was... and they told me it was a girl.
in the dream, i wailed and cried like i have never heard myself cry before- oh, my baby girl...

=/

=/

i wont lie- im sooo nervous about school starting here soon.
and im not even going away.

on the other hand, leaving for tennesee tomorrow is exciting... however, stress about school the second i get back is nervwrecking. i hope i get everything sorted out.

thats it for today.

-chelsea

ps. 3 more days =/

amor vincit omnia.

the sun in the sky has already set, but the glow in your eyes and the light of your smile is enough to brighten even a stormy night. the distance changes nothing, though i miss you... mountains and seas could be placed between us, but the memory of your warm arms, the memory of your soft hands, the memory of your sweet embrace in the sourest of life seasons- nothing could come between my heart and it's undying and unchanging love for you. mistakes will erupt, and tension will arise... but love conquers all. i will never let go, even if the rope is thin and my hope is shaken- my heart is bent towards you, broken and whole, hurting and healed. my heart is for you. the past casts no negativity, and present passes on future hope- as we learn and understand this beauty, this gift. i will always be loyal, faithful, and trustworthy, because you are mine. and i am yours. my allegiance is dedicated to you and i would never betray you. i am so full of love for you, i want to give you everything. you are my desire, my everything. "the best thing i could give you is YOURSELF. because i want to give you the world, but to me- you are the WORLD." my passion, my everything, my love... ♥