when i am afraid

i forgot about this song...

when i am afraid by laura hackett

"When I am afraid I will trust in You
When I’m overcome I will cling onto
The Rock that is higher
He’s higher
The Rock that is higher

When my enemy’s too strong for me
I don’t know how to fight the fear
That comes against my heart and mind
I call upon the name of Christ
He’s higher, He’s higher, the Rock, He is higher

When my enemy's surrounded me
He comes to steal my joy, my peace,
I let go of my reasoning
And fall upon the Rock that is higher
He’s higher, the Rock, He is higher

I will not build my life
Upon the passing sands
Of how I feel inside from one moment to the next
But I will love You, Lord
My Rock, my God, my Strength
A precious cornerstone the floods of death could never shake

Oh, for there is no peace of mind
Outside of Truth in Christ
For the fear is real, and its power can kill
But the stability of our times
The stability of our times
Will be THE ROCK THAT IS HIGHER"


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i think this is my life right now.
so many different things have taken place inside my mind as i've let myself become overwhelmed with the future and college decisions.
no matter how many people reminded me of God's sovereignty, and provision, and perfect plan- i still stressed myself out.
i was either so overwhelmed that it was all i could think about, or i separated myself from the whole thing completely and did everything i could to not think or worry about it. both things went downhill... i began to lose sight of what it means to live in PEACE as a child of God and i numbed myself to the decision making process so much that i was heading towards not making any decisions.

so many people told me what they thought i should do and promised me that i wouldnt regret it... but nothing seemed right to me. i know that i wouldnt regret half of the decisions i thought about making- but, just because it's good doesnt mean it's GOD. at this point, since i don't know where i am going or what i am doing... im just going to settle for a community college here and get my core classes out of the way. i cant go wrong doing that.

at least, that's my plan for now.
everything keeps changing...
it's so frustrating.
it's frustrating trying to put it together now in my head.
aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
im working two jobs now too to save for school and insurance and such.
and i dont like my manager at one of them...
but i'll suck it up.
that's life... you can't get everything you want.
it'll all work out somehow.

anyways...
im at home right now.
kinda upset cause todays my only day off for a long time now that im starting my second job...
and i really wanted to hang out with my friends.
but it seems to me that graduation meant the end of them.
i feel like im losing a lot of people now... but thats life too. and i'll be getting more people in my life! (:

now i feel as if i am rambling.
which i am.
but i felt as if it were time to post again.
adios.


-chelsea.

ps. i got a laptop for graduation!! (:
pps. on wednesday JACOB ANDREW DRYDEN and i will have been dating for 6 MONTHS♥ he's incredible.

I am forever YOURS.

"Love came down and rescued me, Love came down and set me free... I am YOURS, I am FOREVER YOURS! Mountain high, or valley low- I sing out, remind my soul: I AM YOURS, I AM FOREVER YOURS..."
___________________

God's love is ruining me all over again... His sweet, merciful, beautiful, FREEING LOVE. I love the words of this song, no matter if i'm experiencing one of those highs on life or a "valley low"... I am ALWAYS HIS. Because HE LOVES ME.
I don't ever want to forget that.
I feel like every aspect of His love hit me all at once this weekend.
Like experiencing HIS love, allowing myself to be loved by others, learning what it is to love humbly, understanding all the amazing things that accompany love... and why I am able to love like this and receive love in this way because of HIS LOVE.
It's crazy...
And, the more i love God, He gives more of His heart to me... It's like pieces of God's character start to take root in my heart and live out in me. That patience I ask for, the mercy I love to give and receive, the humility I need, the confidence I want, the peace I desire… All of this is given to me as I start to love the way He loves.
I think that's the only way to truly love.
I've known love to sometimes actually carry weight in my heart, like to where i could actually feel my chest hurting and heavy because love was so thick inside of me... but even that was only a brink of what He was trying to show me...
Love was never a word to me- it was something i cherished and believed was deep and passionate and intense.
But experiencing all of these different aspects of love and seeing how they are all linked to one another just WRECKED me.
I know i will never LOVE anyone or anything the same way.
I dont even know how to explain it... this realization just happened slowly. He kept showing me things and giving me examples of His love and speaking to me in ways that i understand, finally something so clear that i realized what He was trying to show me all along...
it's beautiful.
so perfect.
And to know that it all goes back to Jesus...
I don't know how i couldn't be moved by this.

♥

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