i think if we give to God what is already His, we might not go through the same kind of shock when what is ours is removed from our lives...
giving up authority over something we thought we always had rightful ownership over will probably be the hardest thing i will ever do.
i've gotten so mad at God for taking away what was mine and what He allowed me to grow close to... but it was His to handle all along... we're the ones acting unreasonable.
my dad taught me this in a way last year when we were dealing with the loss of Carter... he wrote this february 2008 in his own blog:
"It is right for me to be protective and to make attachments in love with them but I have to remember that they are not mine. They are, have always been, and shall remain God's property. In that, He may use them as He wishes, and direct them to wherever He wishes - to include calling them home."
knowing this i have two choices:
- I can not allow myself to become close to anyone because i know that anything could happen... and i couldnt lose them in a literal heartbeat. This is especially hard since i become very attached to the people in my life...
- I could just go with it and be cool with people and let myself make friends and be friends with them, even know though i know i could get hurt....
alright. this blog seems be totally edging towards ending negatively. and really... thats where i half expected it to end. but with God, it doesnt work that way.
right when i got to the point of like just completely ending this entry, i got a phone call from meredith and i shared what i was writing about... before we even made it halfway through the conversation we came to the conclusion that:
life is a risk.
it is better to have loved and learned than to never have loved at all... i have grown so much to the people i have become close to in my life. and even though i might have lost a couple of them i still do not regret those relationships.
right now there will be a period of mourning but joy will follow... its not providential to keep living a lifestyle of grief for it is easy to become trapped in the oppression and completely miss joy that could have come if only we sought it. i am NOT saying that is wrong to grieve... grieve all you want with your own time. but living with grief for someone is totally different than living a complete lifestyle of grief where there is no effort to move on and to once again experience the true joy that can be found in living life to its fullest. its definitely okay to cry and to feel hurt... but its also okay to feel happy again... your allowed to laugh. your allowed to talk about things other than the tragedy surrounding us right now. its okay. you do not have to give up your own life just because someone else ended their's.
-chelsea
1/11/09
2 comments:
amen Chelsea. i totally agree with you there. thats something i've thought about a lot, and i came to the same conclusion you did.
thanks for writing that. its an excellent reminder :)
You are learning a hard lesson sweetpea.
We can protect ourselves if we do not open up but we end up lonely that way. If we open our hearts and love others then we open ourselves up to possible pain.
We are all human. Learn not to expect perfection - but be generous with forgiveness and grace. If you think about it, it is what our Heavenly Father does for us. And we are the better because of it.
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