Faithful & True- forever. My love will carry you... ♫♪

i havent really really blogged about life in awhile. it's all due to laziness.
but for real. this summer was SOOOO AMAZING (: like. the internship i did... was beast. God encountered me in ways i was NOT expecting. example: i finally know what im called to do. mostly :P it's not going to be something with a title. it's not going to be an occupation that already has a name... i've already known that i had a passion for the hurting and the broken. but as i dove deeper into the issues of our nation (our whole world actually), i really found the core of my passions. im not going to become a writer or journalist like i thought i was. i never really FELT like i was going to be either. so i had to do this paper this summer on a justice issue. such as abortion or illegal detentions or human trafficking, to name a few.
and i was given human trafficking.

i had been wanting to learn more about this issue since we did a lot of fundraising for victims of trafficking during school last year. i knew that i had a passion for it already... but i didnt know the depth of it. i found myself crying and crying as i researched. i had to put the research on hold for a little while actually... it just hurt so much. i felt so burdened and helpless. i wanted to gather up the women and children who had been made victims of that terrible trade in my arms and just cry. i wanted to make everything better and tell them about my Jesus who is such an amazing Healer. i realized that my heart was towards broken women specifically... from all backgrounds. those who had been raped or sex trafficked or abused or anything... even those who had broken hearts having nothing to do with physical torture. i just feel sooooo hurt for them. and for the kids who are exposed to their brokenness and the ways they act out on it. it's so frustrating for me... so basically. thats something huge i figured out.

actually, i had just got done with my paper and the next weekend a whole bunch of us went to a conference in Va Beach (Beauty of the Lord) and i took a little trip to one of the prophecy rooms (: my experience in there was crazyyyyy. i was like in shock. one of the prophesier people in there told me that i would have a force, a strong voice for justice- in things such as trafficking and abortions. i was told that i was in a transistion phase change. like i had been moving in one direction, but that God was steering me towards my destiny... that it would be scary, but GOOD. One of them saw a line of fire that was creeping along burning away all the underbrush, burning away things in my life that didnt need to be there. But in that fire, there was glory, a Light. God was stoking the fire, but controlling it. There was difficulty and tribulation apart of the fire, but it's Him. He was there. There is pain and suffering and burning in this fire, but i could chose what to embrace- if i sought God in the tribulation i would find Him, if i sought pain and sadness, i would find that as well. But God wanted me to seek Him... of course (: But yeah, there was more that i wont go into too much detail about... but there was another one about me speaking to large groups of people boldly- revealing truth about God. He was making me a strong powerful speaker & will use me in awesome ways... i would be a world changer, not just women, but other people as well (: that people i have never met will thank me in Heaven. i would have the ability to discern truth as it resonated in me because of the Spirit of God. there was some more prophesy about my heart (i'll keep that to myself ;) and then a lady in the room mentioned something about "beauty for ashes"... i thought that was crazy. since thats like the story of my life... and part of the title and theme of my whole blog haha. but basically, it was just pretty much really intense (:

so now im just trying to figure out how to get started... im excited to go back to school and live out what i experienced this summer. but i really want to be in the middle of the action with the ministry im called to!! so im praying about that (: we'll see what happens! i love what God is doing in me!! the past couple of months have been incredibly rough and extremely hard, but i know He is there, and He is moving powerfully. haha, just this past week i have experienced some more cool God stuff (: im doing a secular music fast (which is SUPPPPERRRR hard) and it's pretty much forced me to encounter Jesus like all the time! It's hardest when im driving cause im alone and i just want to put on some of my favorite stuff, but i cant. and then when im on the computer i wish i could just listen to my old playlists, but im trying soooo hard to press in! and it's been really awesome seeing God work with my sacrafice. the other day i was sitting here going crazy haha... i had tons of pain and hurt in my heart and i was so angry and shocked and just overall- i was a huge mess. and this song by Meredith Andrews (that i had forgotten about, but really loved) came on. It was "You're not alone"... and it really spoke to me where i was in my pain.

and then another song by Audra Lynn "Without You" came on a little bit later. and i had been tempted to look up some songs that would relate to where i was in my hurt and kinda meet me in my depression of the moment, but this song came on. and basically it said: "will You be the words i say? will You be my melody? will You be the song that i sing & the life within me? will You be my everything... cause you are the Life that keeps me going, You are the reason that i say, You are the only one found worthy, oh Jesus, and so my song shall be of You... cause without You, i have nothing. will you be my everything?" ... i thought that was neat. since i was doing the whole music fast thing.. instead of singing a song that would glorify myself and my pain, my NEW SONG would be of a God who is worthy of a beautiful song dedicated to HIM (: but anyways...

ah it felt good to blog again.
i dont know if i really made sense, i wasnt really trying to be grammatically or punctaully correct. but it feels good to get it all out again (: woot!!!!!
haha anyways...

have a good day!!!!! (: