faith. faith. faith.

im still on restriction. and will be until the very second i start working at the job that i have to get. im really hoping for Outback. gotta go talk to them AGAIN tomorrow.... (: they seem hopeful. but im not getting my hopes up too much.

anywho.

geez, 2010 has been CRAZY so far. i have never had such a wide array of emotions. like i'm in the most amazing relationship and am incredibly happy and content. everythings perfect (: but the past two weeks i guess, have been INSANELY difficult. i've never WANTED to give up as much as i have wanted to the past couple of days.

then i kind of got this huge check inside my heart and God just blew me away... it was one of those instant "oh my gosh" moments. so now i'm just working on reminding myself of who i am IN CHRIST and walking in freedom. it takes a whole bunch of faith to do that, though. and that's what He's been reiterating to me. FAITH FAITH FAITH. i definitely have NOT been applying it. i realized that i never looked at faith as something that i had to have personally. but something that Christians just needed and naturally had as it's apart of being a Christian. it didn't quite click with me ever that FAITH was something that was necessary for me to APPLY to my own life. i just never thought about it... so applying this whole "faith business" to all the crappy stuff going on in life right now, really sheds a beautiful light on my future. and even the present. i still HATE what im going through, but i realize that my own lack of faith has driven me to this point. so by rebuilding this and several other beautiful gifts that God has given (hope, love, submission, perseverance, etc), i feel like i can conquer this battle. knowing that when i am afraid, i can trust in a Man that will never break my heart, never leave me. i love it... i know He has purpose for my life. i know that He loves me. i know that i can expect GOOD things to come because of the HOPE given to all Christians. it's beautiful...

anyways. it's easier to "know" all of this.... i wish i could feel it. i know God is not a feeling and that's the whole point of faith. but it makes it so stinkin hard! i can only imagine the future glory of this all... having not just pushed through battles barely making it, but fighting with a supernatural strength with weapons incomparable to those of the world... all i can think about is how amazing that will be. how far that will take me spiritually....

mmm i want to be so close to God's heart. just to be in His presence is simply overwhelming... but to be so close to Him--- i cant imagine what that must feel like. i know that when im singing in worship i taste a bit of this "closeness"... haha we're flippin JOINING WITH THE ANGELS who are singing praises to Jesus right now in Heaven when we sing in worship and praise to Him. geez.... just thinking about what it is to sing with the angels.... it's intense. God is intense... there's nothing plain and simple about Him. He's so outrageous. and beautiful... i just can't wrap my mind around it!! haha, i could go on forever about this. i feel like just proclaiming all of this right now is taking me somewhere on this journey that adds to beauty of the whole thing.

i guess i'll stop now... i wonder if God's laughing at me right now. i wonder if He thinks im silly... (: haha. oh to know the mind of God... haha. [[wouldnt that be crazy!? i dont think i necessarily want to know His mind... i couldnt handle it!!]]

anywho. im babysitting. and im hearing things upstairs that im not supposed to be hearing...

i should probably go pay a bit of mind to the children (:

-chelsea

ps. theres the guys named Tim and Josh who are apart of this AMAZING band called

M.Fillmore!! anddddd they just got a new album out and Josh was asking me to help spread the word. so be sure to check out "Relentless" on Facebook/Myspace (:

http://www.facebook.com/mfillmoreband

http://www.myspace.com/mfillmoreband