when i am afraid

i forgot about this song...

when i am afraid by laura hackett

"When I am afraid I will trust in You
When I’m overcome I will cling onto
The Rock that is higher
He’s higher
The Rock that is higher

When my enemy’s too strong for me
I don’t know how to fight the fear
That comes against my heart and mind
I call upon the name of Christ
He’s higher, He’s higher, the Rock, He is higher

When my enemy's surrounded me
He comes to steal my joy, my peace,
I let go of my reasoning
And fall upon the Rock that is higher
He’s higher, the Rock, He is higher

I will not build my life
Upon the passing sands
Of how I feel inside from one moment to the next
But I will love You, Lord
My Rock, my God, my Strength
A precious cornerstone the floods of death could never shake

Oh, for there is no peace of mind
Outside of Truth in Christ
For the fear is real, and its power can kill
But the stability of our times
The stability of our times
Will be THE ROCK THAT IS HIGHER"


_____________________

i think this is my life right now.
so many different things have taken place inside my mind as i've let myself become overwhelmed with the future and college decisions.
no matter how many people reminded me of God's sovereignty, and provision, and perfect plan- i still stressed myself out.
i was either so overwhelmed that it was all i could think about, or i separated myself from the whole thing completely and did everything i could to not think or worry about it. both things went downhill... i began to lose sight of what it means to live in PEACE as a child of God and i numbed myself to the decision making process so much that i was heading towards not making any decisions.

so many people told me what they thought i should do and promised me that i wouldnt regret it... but nothing seemed right to me. i know that i wouldnt regret half of the decisions i thought about making- but, just because it's good doesnt mean it's GOD. at this point, since i don't know where i am going or what i am doing... im just going to settle for a community college here and get my core classes out of the way. i cant go wrong doing that.

at least, that's my plan for now.
everything keeps changing...
it's so frustrating.
it's frustrating trying to put it together now in my head.
aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
im working two jobs now too to save for school and insurance and such.
and i dont like my manager at one of them...
but i'll suck it up.
that's life... you can't get everything you want.
it'll all work out somehow.

anyways...
im at home right now.
kinda upset cause todays my only day off for a long time now that im starting my second job...
and i really wanted to hang out with my friends.
but it seems to me that graduation meant the end of them.
i feel like im losing a lot of people now... but thats life too. and i'll be getting more people in my life! (:

now i feel as if i am rambling.
which i am.
but i felt as if it were time to post again.
adios.


-chelsea.

ps. i got a laptop for graduation!! (:
pps. on wednesday JACOB ANDREW DRYDEN and i will have been dating for 6 MONTHS♥ he's incredible.

I am forever YOURS.

"Love came down and rescued me, Love came down and set me free... I am YOURS, I am FOREVER YOURS! Mountain high, or valley low- I sing out, remind my soul: I AM YOURS, I AM FOREVER YOURS..."
___________________

God's love is ruining me all over again... His sweet, merciful, beautiful, FREEING LOVE. I love the words of this song, no matter if i'm experiencing one of those highs on life or a "valley low"... I am ALWAYS HIS. Because HE LOVES ME.
I don't ever want to forget that.
I feel like every aspect of His love hit me all at once this weekend.
Like experiencing HIS love, allowing myself to be loved by others, learning what it is to love humbly, understanding all the amazing things that accompany love... and why I am able to love like this and receive love in this way because of HIS LOVE.
It's crazy...
And, the more i love God, He gives more of His heart to me... It's like pieces of God's character start to take root in my heart and live out in me. That patience I ask for, the mercy I love to give and receive, the humility I need, the confidence I want, the peace I desire… All of this is given to me as I start to love the way He loves.
I think that's the only way to truly love.
I've known love to sometimes actually carry weight in my heart, like to where i could actually feel my chest hurting and heavy because love was so thick inside of me... but even that was only a brink of what He was trying to show me...
Love was never a word to me- it was something i cherished and believed was deep and passionate and intense.
But experiencing all of these different aspects of love and seeing how they are all linked to one another just WRECKED me.
I know i will never LOVE anyone or anything the same way.
I dont even know how to explain it... this realization just happened slowly. He kept showing me things and giving me examples of His love and speaking to me in ways that i understand, finally something so clear that i realized what He was trying to show me all along...
it's beautiful.
so perfect.
And to know that it all goes back to Jesus...
I don't know how i couldn't be moved by this.

♥

___________________

status addiction.

i challenged myself to not post facebook statuses for a little while... and i've gone a week.
i was getting addicted to it.
i just really like updating my status (:

it's been difficult... i really want to change it now.
i've had sooooo many opportunities!! so many status-worthy events have taken place... my last soccer game of my senior year... only 39 days left till graduation... i got accepted into bethel college... i worked a crazy mothers day shift last night... i had a good night with jake and got pizza and saw iron man 2 on saturday... loved the 10 minutes i got to see him between our mother's day lunch and my research paper... i finished my research paper 20 minutes before i had to be at work... meg brought me lunch today... the weather's cold... church was fun on sunday... etc etc etc. so many events i could stick in a status!! and a whole bunch of songs too...

aghhhh....
im gonna work on not posting as many when i start back up again.
i never really get on facebook online anymore so it's not a facebook problem. its having facebook mobile and being able to post statuses whenever i want with whatever i want to say. as long as it's under my phone's 140 character limit.

anywho.
adios.
<3

i feel inspired...

..............

fahskjflhsjdhf hkfhkf hdjfh9qru qoewu owieur nvaer pouwer hvhne power vbamdsnfer7 34w5 i34ow75 8 i8yt9w4u nf8w 98r kv fiau498j ijviaeu49tj 4tu ij 4t9 kjf it j349u70943859 hgfhdandv98q uiJK*W$U iji48u59ikjo IJRGK J99ioj j9459e4j irjg iarjt 934869 iu846t9 knjdakvn,mdsngfadfa'pfodfk j kjagk j jgfirkjf r irj jirgj oiar o rg ureoigt uiro goai gjoair gio jrgoirjg oir oiare joi aroregtuhgtiaer rae a rgreahrg r h ij airejt j kf aksjf lkdj fksejfkjkfjaskfjifej kjf kljewroiweu j kjfkalf 9o409r5 ijaf oijr kjoieast oierjti ru ij giajfkl ajoiew tieajf kjeajfoiaejrf kldjvlk aejfiljsdfijfsd oie idf jfds orajlkad idolk lklk gjlksjg lklk jk jalkd jalidfjoei48u6t oijie gjetoj kdsl kjalkef jlaejft o94850934i tkl rioqu34tjiaore iae tkje4tki uio jfvkl jdkj k dklf jkfdj lkadjflk jal jal lewr9w4r oiaurfk nvkl aiof joi oifjd lka fjklaj fl jdl vjadlfj alkfej lkesfj lkj lj l fljdflkje fjadoif je9rteijfdksafj lkdjf lkdjaf lk dj fk jlkdj fidj flkajd kl kljd fklajer9083w095iu4we09 9403 u940 yiu yiu yu yry t yi uiojfdmvnm,cxnboeir j j kj aklfjd aeruewr9 ui ji iarjt9 j9 waril jk liajerioj ri jiaj rij 35 uiji w43o9u4 ijl lkroiar t9k jkljcherlsdl alkjv jaj ch 3elsalk jl jc eoldf kja jidfjkchchlkellr qazsxedcrfvtgbyhnujm 8ujm iujkm ik t gb yh iuh uhj hj hj de tf gf gy gu h uhl hj hj h rttg bh gh ghb nbn bnb mb jhg hg gfgd f ds erw erw er io uie uoeiufoeiu r uoierqi ueroiu eruqepoiru eiur oqiewurqoiewuroiqewur oiur ioqur oiqwureoqwieuroqiewuroqiwuroqwuer oiquroiquoruqo eiruq opruqoi ewu uroiqew uroiqu eroique ropiuqoiwu erqoiweuroqi euroqiwer uoiqwu eriqu eoiquro e uroqierw kljdsflk ajdflk jadl;fkjwekrtje dhfjadf jkf j;ljdsf kjafkl jlkfjalkjf; aijewrij ekjf klajfdkl jdlkjd kljflkajdsf jsdk gth gr hjn re....

so yeah.
remember that, i might get it published someday.
-chelsea

aybendito...

right now, that translates to: "oh goodness"

_______________________

i have more time to blog at school than i do at home...
i think it's silly that i have to stay here after lunch if i dont have any real classes.
all i have is study halls now that our yearbook is finished.
so pretty much, i have government, marketing, honors english, and bible choir in the morning.
then i have lunch, yearbook (study hall), teacher's asst at our elementary school (i just grade papers and i dont HAVE to go everyday...), and study hall in the library. that's it...
so today, i went and slept all through 6th period cause i didnt have work to do this week for any teachers and then 20 minutes into study hall. it was nice.... (:

but yea. it's just ironic that i have more time at school for this than i do at home. and when im at home i'd rather be with my family since im not there much anymore with work and soccer and spending time with jacob and megan occassionally, but not often.

_______________________

on a new note, i've applied for Bethel College through Bethel Temple... and i think that might be what im gonna do this fall for real now. it's been frustrating not having an idea of what im doing... but i feel like this is right, and it's a good decision. i just need to work on saving up!! haha.

anywho....................
bell's about to ring.
and then i have a soccer game (:
which im nervous about. cause i hurt my ankle again twice yesterday and ended up staying out of most of the second half of the game. and im gonna attempt to play on it since i can walk fine today. howeverrrrr all it takes is for me to step on one patch of grass wrong and my ankle rolls and then im out... ): so hopefully that wont happen! im gonna try to be as careful as one can be on a field such as hampton christian's... ha.


_______________________

-chelsea