saying "hello" to healing

3 years ago...
i was in california visiting my grandparents...
not knowing that in a little more than a month my life was gonna change completely.
august 17th is coming around... and it will be three years since Carter died.
am i really going to go through this every summer? and every april when his birthday was?
its the month or so leading up to "the day" that get me...
and i had a good 2 months in between april 28 and now to not think about it much.
it just hit me today.
like woah.
what was i doing at this moment three years ago?
i was in california.
having the best summer of my life...
what will i have been doing three years ago in a month and a half?
saying 'goodbye'...

woah.
i just heard the phrase "saying 'hello' to healing" in my head right after i typed that.
thats so true though...
carter's death gave me a valid reason to act out in depression and brokenness and pass it off as grief.
but i finally got to express what had been hurting me inside for so long. people surrounded me and reminded me of God's love, referring to His strength through the season of losing Carter. but all of their words spoke into my past hurt. i applied their encouragement to something they couldnt even see... so now, it's almost as his death brought me life... by killing my past...
that's so like Jesus.
like, not to be morbid... but the bones of the past are still there as a reminder- it hasnt completely disappeared. but they're only bones... i have new life now.
just like carter... oh, God... and almost like Jesus... except He didnt leave any bones. He was perfect.

Oh boy. hows that for some midnight revelation?